Week 17 and Counting

Here we are.  Week 17.  My belly is starting to grow.  I'm starting to think that I will have a permanent indentation on my gut of that little hidden button that they put on the inside of dress pants.  So, God bless my cousin Ashley, who has offered me some maternity clothes until she's ready for her little blessing number two.

I wish our country instituted that pregnant women received a nickel for each question of "How are you feeling?" and "Do you know what you're having?"  I'm not wanting to sound ungrateful.  I really am happy with people asking these questions, and I appreciate that people seem to genuinely want to find out my status on all things baby in my life.  It just seems that in an effort to truly help out a waddling pregnant lady, we could get a little cash.  After all, in addition to our physical state which is quickly morphing into a blob, my mental state is constantly spinning with worries of our baby's health, how to teach him or her to deal with peer pressure, and acquiring a proper education (which, of course, includes college-and by the year 2040, I'm sure tuition will be approximately 14 bazillion dollars per year).  I digress...

On a more positive front, I've learned some very valuable items that I will pass along to everyone-mother or not.  While browsing websites full of information on pregnancy, I decided to do a little research on receiving an epidural while in labor.  I will not yet post my opinion on this matter, as I got distracted by some videos of women giving birth.  Note-I didn't even turn the sound on.  Here's what I learned:

1) Some women obviously have either no modesty or no idea that YouTube is viewable by anyone on the web.  Why you'd put a video of your naked (why always naked?!) body- hoo haa and all - on the internet for everyone's viewing (dis)pleasure is beyond me.  I don't want to discount the miracle of a new life entering the world, nor ignore a family's excitement at such an awesome event, but my Lord, have some freaking decency.

2) This is a bit graphic-but I was always under the impression that the nether region just kind of snapped back immediately after delivery like a rubber band.  Not according to the one video that I could stomach all the way through.  Umm...there's no polite way to say this.  How the heck can it get, and remain, that large?  

3) Lastly, and most importantly, it is absolutely imperative to try approximately 75 awkward positions to alleviate the pain of childbirth.  Why pregnant women decide to pursue a career of becoming a contortionist when they are most likely at the largest size their body has ever been has become another mystery to me...but, according to my research, it is just a necessary part of the process. 

So mothers-to-be: flaunt your stuff for the world to see in the most painful and unflattering scenario possible (and don't forget that clothes are strictly prohibited), limber up for more positions than what landed you here to begin with, and recognize that never again will tampons be your feminine needs product of choice-unless they start making them into the size of a small missile.

I'm so grateful that I have approximately 23 weeks to try and debunk these new findings.  And I'm glad I was too smart to look up this stuff prior to my present state, or adoption would have been Travis' only option.  My greatest relief at this point is that not only do women pursue all of this once, but many have gone on to have children two, three, four, etc.  Either we have a load of lunatic women in our society, or I'm making it sound much worse than it truly is.  My fingers are crossed that it's the latter.