A Father's Love

Welcome to the world Emerson.... I had always hoped that someday I would have a child of my own.  For a few years we weren't sure about it, the world is not a pretty place (and seems to be going down the tubes more and more each day).  Once we made the decision that we would try this thing called parenthood, we thought specifically about adopting.  Again, the world sucks, and if, by adopting, we can help a child without parents, how wonderful would that be.  
Then about 2-3 years ago we decided that if we didn't have our own child, maybe we would be missing out on something.  We tried for what seemed like an eternity, (I do know that there are people who have tried for longer than we, but it just seems hopeless) and decided maybe to get dogs.  It wasn't long after that, that we found out we were pregnant with a little girl.  Fast forward to today, (fast forwarding since the rest of the experience is already on previous blog posts) Emerson is approximately 34 hours old, and our whole world... has... changed...

Friday night at about 10pm Shawna (who I thought was asleep on my shoulder) said to me "I think my water just broke".  My first response was to start the car.  Obviously that was the least of our worries at that time.  Shawna called the Midwife, she said to monitor the situation and call back in an hour.  I showered (not as selfish as it sounds, I knew it would be a few days until my next shower, and nobody would be happy with that), and then finished packing items that we may need.  I let the dogs out to play, as I knew that for a few days they would be mostly in their crates (thanks to Tracy and Traci for helping with the dogs).  We then called our parents, and I called my 2nd in command to let him know he was working in the morning.  I then made sure the car was started a few more times (the timer on the remote starter is 15 minutes) so it would be warm and cleaned off for our trek north.  Shawna called the midwife again @ 11:15 and told her what was going on with how things were progressing, she said to begin our trip in to the hospital.  We got to the hospital @ midnight and by the time we were settled it was shortly after 12:15am.  Sometime around 2, maybe later (forgive me I wasn't looking at the clock) the pain started.  I don't know how most men feel about this, but this was my hardest part of the whole thing.  I hate hate hate my wife being in pain.  I don't know if I could have handled it any longer than it was (of course she felt the same way).  I wish there was some way i could have eased it, other than cold wash cloths and getting new barf bags for her....

12/28/2013 at 8:48 our lives changed forever (as if the last 9 months it didn't at all).  Emerson weighed in at 7 pounds and 7 ounces.  Shawna was in labor for around 7 hours (hard pushing for 20 minutes or so).  Emerson was also 21 inches long.  For all you math people out there, 7+7+7 = 21, I thought that was pretty cool.  Throughout the last 35 hours I have been completely swept off my feet with this little one.  I knew I would love her, I wasn't worried about it at all, but I didn't think I had the capacity to love like this...  Which brings me to my next point, it deserves another blog post, but a paragraph will suffice.

I drove home today to shower and change, and check on the dogs.  I also needed something for the incredible headache I had - stupid me didn't drink nearly enough water.  I also had to use the *ahem* toilet.  Its amazing the link a man has with HIS toilet.  (I am sure Rob Petrocci would understand if no one else does)  Anyways, that being done, shower done, dogs taken care of, and laundry started (to be finished by my awesome sister), I headed back to the hospital.  I have to tell you right here and now, I have become a cryer.  I guess I always have been an emotional man, but since the water broke, so did the floodgates of my emotions.  As an aside to an aside, crying is a pretty awesome thing if you think about it from a creationist stand point.  Its totally the bodies way of releasing pressure built up by emotions it cant handle, our souls are capable of much more emotion than our body can handle.... So, back to the story....  As I drove back to the hospital, I was listening to Jesus Culture, and hearing Gods voice from a totally different point of view.  Sobbing, singing, I was a mess.  This is when I realized that the incredible love I have for our new child, a love I just can't explain, is the same love that God has for me.  Sure I have screwed up ALOT in my life, and will continue to.  And Emerson is going to do the same crap I did growing up, even if I tell her why it's not a good idea (probably in spite of it) - but that does not mean I will ever love her any less. (I know its easy to say that now, when she is only 35 hours and 30 minutes old, but bear with me).  And how much more does God love me, than I love Emerson?  I won't quote scripture, mostly because I haven't really memorized any (close your eyes Pastor Jon), but the experiences I have had in my life that have shown me Gods love never really explained that love until today.  The next song was the one that follows here (of course it was), Your Love Never Fails, by Jesus Culture:

  Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

So, through the sobs, I was singing this and realizing that Gods love for us is so incredible, maybe only a new parent can understand it.... I don't know, but I am forever changed!  Its amazing to think of the lengths He has gone over the years to show us this love, and it comes to ME in the smallest, most helpless package.  Thank you God, help me to never forget your love for me.

So until next time, happiest-father-in-the-world out.