Oh, the Things I Have Learned

Two months have now gone by.  Everyone said, "Don't blink"; "They grow so fast"; "Enjoy it while she's little".  Every one of those comments is 100% accurate.  Where has the time gone?  So, in the past weeks, these are the gems of information I have gleaned about not only parenthood, but also the changes in my relationship with Travis.

Don't keep score.
Sometimes I fall asleep first at night.  Sometimes Travis falls asleep first.  If you start accounting for who has the most sleep, it is going to lead to a battle.  We've been blessed enough that both of us have been home since Emerson's birth, but a newborn is still tiring.  We both pitch in with housework, we both take turns with the baby, and every once in a while we follow the age old advice...leave the laundry, forget the dishes, and invite the dogs to nap with us while the baby sleeps.

There is sacrifice involved.
 This is probably the item that kept me waiting until 30 to have a child.  I liked the lack of responsibility that came with being childless.  I could go where I wanted, do what I wanted, and all when I wanted to do it.  Ironically, I feel that I am a rather responsible person, but I didn't want to heap a child on that pile.  Either way-what I realize now is that (despite the sacrifice), I am gaining so much from Emmie P.  She has taught me patience, but also a love that transcends other relationships.  It's different...  I look at her and think about how I carried her, bore her, and would do anything for her.

Finances will take a hit.
It goes beyond buying diapers and breastpump accessories.  Travis has decided to resign from his position.  He is currently in negotiations  about working on a part-time basis, but from here on out I will be the breadwinner because I carry the insurance.  We made the decision knowing that childcare is expensive, and knowing that we wanted to be the ones at home with our little one.  Had Emerson come before my job at JCC, I'm sure it would have worked differently.  I am sad about the fact that I have to return to work while Travis enjoys our baby at home.  I can't say it's culturally the popular thing to do.  However, through much discussion and prayer, we feel this is the right step.  I know he will have it tough too.  I won't envy him the days that she teethes and drool is constantly flowing while she is in pain.  But on those days that I come home to find out that she's taken her first step or said her first word, I am sure that my job will not pacify the jealousy.  My prayer will be that these big events occur while I'm at home...and that I'll take the time to pay attention.

Do not take any moment for granted.
There is definitely part of me that feels guilty for taking naps or sometimes even putting the baby down.  I now understand why mothers have a constant tug of war.  "Damned if you do and damned if you don't", as they say.  You get advice that you don't seek all while beating yourself up over everything you're doing anyway.  Reassurance from Travis has been the best thing for relaxing about these things.  Breastpumping every two hours?  He told me that it's not worth my sanity...wait three.  Take a nap.  Eat your dinner.  All of my needs and wants have come second place...but even more so Travis' desire to relieve me of my guilt has his needs and wants falling third.  (I guess this is where my second bold heading comes into play).

You'll recognize your blessings.
Most of all, I have learned to recognize my blessings.  My husband is amazing.  I have a sweet baby girl.  Lots of friends and other family who take an interest in our new addition.  Life is good and God has richly blessed us.  Two months and time marches on...and I'm so thankful.