You would think in 31 years of living I would get the drift that "things happen" in life...daily. I do think I'm getting better in this arena, but I still tend to chastise myself more than I think any outsider would. There is no doubt in my mind that I am my own worst enemy. And so, with that being said, let's get up to speed.
I have 14 weeks left until I am a mother for a second baby girl. Yes, that's a little over three months. No, I haven't written a post since my first little girl was about six months old. Yes, that means it's been a year. Moving on...
Life is busy. Having a toddler to chase around the house has been the joy of my life. It just seems like I'm fitting it around my other obligations. I have certainly cut back on many of the activities that I used to be involved in, but the hours in the day never get longer, nor do I have the energy to keep up with them even if they did suddenly appear. In a nutshell, here's what my life looks like:
- I am 26 weeks pregnant.
- I have a one and a half year old (in three days).
- I have a stay-at-home husband who is miraculous in being a daddy, finishing a degree, and getting the great majority of the housework done.
- We are trying to sell our house to build and expand onto property we've held for a long while.
- Our house has recently undergone (more) repairs because of a leaking roof, that evolved into siding damage, yada yada. Any owner of an older home knows the drill. Twice the cost, four times the length of time to repair, and definitely four times the headache.
- I work 35 hours a week teaching and tutoring in developmental reading and writing at the community college. My job is grant funded and slated to end (officially) the end of September 2016.
- I am (im)patiently seeking God's guidance for the next chapters of our lives as it seems that we are in a time of transition in so many areas in our family's life.
Stress and anxiety are bothersome words that seem to be synonymous with adulthood. Parenthood brings its own flavor to these terms...but they've been there since I decided to start driving, work a job, go to college, etc. Somehow, when the pressures of money sneak into your life, it's all down hill from there. And, as I recently commented on Facebook after seeing a comment from three years ago, life often feels cyclical when it comes to worry. I try to come up with plans, strategies, formulas, procedures, and organizational tools to help my brain release some of the anxiousness of all things life, but I'm reminded almost daily that it's not God's will for me to feel unsettled. God's will is for me to lean into him. The song I need comes on the radio morning commute after morning commute reminding me of who is
really, truly in control. My schematics will never match up to his. I hear lyrics like, "I am for you; I'm not against you" and "We can trust our God; He knows what he's doing." I could go on and on with the words of scripture that I hear through the radio, but it all boils down to one thing. I need to recognize the amazing blessings that God has blessed me with, hand the wheel (back) over to him, and give myself a break. I'm truly only human, but I'm fortunate to have a husband who seems a little bit super-human and a God who understands my little imperfect, forgetful, and simple brain.
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